The great part about owning your own house is that you can decorate it any way you want. The downside is, your children will always have an opinion about it. Here we list the ten design trends that Tommy and Susie are most likely to be embarrassed by.
As a hunter you’re probably really proud of the animals you’ve collected. That stuffed duck sitting on the living room table is like a badge of honor! But just know that while you’re proudly telling the tale of how you tracked that wily stag in New Mexico for two days, Tommy’s new friend will be staring at its glass eyes in horror. It’s not that hunting isn’t relatable, but devoting a room to a bunch of dead animals is a great way to make sure no one will ask to have a sleepover at your house.
2. Nude art
Whether you collect tribal art or like to frame pieces from your figure drawing classes, keep the naked ones out of sight. No matter how old Tommy or Susie grow to be, human anatomy will always be awkward. Rather than bringing home friends to see how mom and dad decorate the house with naked people, they’ll probably prefer social isolation. Sorry, Akua'ba African fertility statue, it’s the crawlspace for you.
3. Naked baby photos
Come on, mom. Tommy doesn’t want his baseball team – or later, his girlfriend – to see pictures of his baby butt on the mantle. No, not even if it was a cute little butt. Not cool. See above.
Your kids will want to be defined by a lot of things growing up. They may want to be the kids with the backyard pool, or the basement where everyone comes over to hang out. But they will not want to be the kids with the chaotic house. A kid’s home says a lot about them and they want their friends to be comfortable there, not feeling crowded.
5. Eccentric colors
Maybe you love the color purple, and think that your living room would look amazing with purple walls, purple carpet, and matching purple furniture. But just because you want your living room to look like a giant purple M&M does not stop it from being an eyesore for Susie. Kids are very easily weirded out, and as soon as she notices that none of her friend’s parents have rooms devoted to a single color, she’ll question your taste and sanity.
Matching your furniture to your décor seems like a safe choice, but it can go very wrong (see above). Matching is not always the answer. If you feel the need to make a crazy décor choice like upholstering your couch with the same carpet as the floor (yes, it’s been done) please pause and buy a funny lamp instead.
7. Doll-themed rooms
The uneasiness inspired by a doll’s glass eyes is second only to the glass eyes of a taxidermy deer. Even Susie’s little friends will be unnerved.
8. Outdated designs
The 70’s were not a great time for interior design. There were living rooms with overwhelming woodwork, floors of sturdy linoleum in loud patterns, and paisley wallpaper. While you might be partial to the décor of your childhood, your millennial offspring will not find it groovy.